The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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