i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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