if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
