someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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