I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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