Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
