he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
