I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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