I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
