Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
