Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
