Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
