People in love make me want to vomit
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
