guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
