I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.