help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me