I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God