Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
