Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
