I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
