I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
