just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
