And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
