So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sex in a hospital.. check
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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