Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
