FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
