I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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