My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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