I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
