Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
