Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
