I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I could make wine with my vomit
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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