If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
