You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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