I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
