Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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