Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
