So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
