i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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