Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
