dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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