You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
