yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
