What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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