I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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