He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just had sex bonerless
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
