I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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