In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
