i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
