She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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