Jerry, you need to find god
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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