I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
