i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
