Will you blow on my dice?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
