I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
