I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
