Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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