My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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