o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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