Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
