I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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