sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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