obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No subtext here. People are naked.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize