My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
