Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
