do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
