sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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