Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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