i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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