someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
