About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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