my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
