P.S. I can't hear my feet
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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