Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
