its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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