I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
