the condom got lost in my hair
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
