At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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