I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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