im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
