Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
