i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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