reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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